Why must I learn lessons again and again, over and over? Am I that stubborn? Do I have short term memory loss? Am I hoping that reality will change? Well maybe a little bit of all of those. Once again I am learning what my true priorities are and what a difference it makes when those priorites are in place. Also, I’m relearning that I don’t “deserve” anything, although my attitude is often with that mentality. i.e. I deserve an easy day, I deserve a break, I deserve a thank you and a well done. Yes all those things would be nice but I don’t deserve it.

I’m thinking all these things tonight because of the extreme opposites of our last 2 nights as a family. It is black and white. Last night I was full of ME ME ME attitude: anger, impatience, hopelessness and frustration. Some of that is understood after listening to crying (screaming) for 95% of the day, which has been going on for the last 2 weeks. But it just wasn’t about last night and the kids driving me bonkers. I was consumed by all that I wasn’t getting and all the negatives I was getting. I crashed and burned hard. Tonight was very different. The day was still trying with 3 sick kids but my heart was in a better place. I put the kids first, rather than complaining in my mind (or aloud) about what I wasn’t getting done or all that I was doing but didn’t want to be doing . In the midst of Miss T’s crying tonight, and The Little Mister banging on his drum to blaring music in his room, Brian and I had an enjoyable dinner. We had fun as a family and we just went with the night, wherever it took us. I ended the evening with peace instead of tears of frustration.

I am so thankful that God doesn’t get frustrated with me for the lessons He continues to show me over and over again. I’m reminded of His grace and unconditional love for me. He doesn’t tire, complain or give up. He’s always there to graciously show me again His love. Oh, if I could only grasp this just a little, what a difference it would make.