Responsible. Strong.
These are two words I would love hear people describe me as. And in fact, I have heard those words. My heart soared with pride. Yes, that is me! That is what they see me. They see me as the responsible friend, the responsible daughter, the responsible co-worker. I am strong, I can handle it. Don’t worry about me, I got it.
Yes, these words fill me up.
But…is this what I really want? Is this what I really want to fill me up?
Always taking on the responsible, strong role can only go so well for so long. I have a tendency to be over responsible. I am responsible for all outcomes, good or bad. I am responsible for others feelings. To keep them feeling good or help them not feel bad. I am responsible to always be responsible in all situations at all times. You can see how this would be physically and emotionally exhausting and not to mention impossible to be successful at.
What if I mess up? What if I look weak? What if I look like I don’t have it all together and then others will see it and then they will think this (fill in the blank) and then they won’t like me.You know how our minds get the best of us and the thoughts go on and on and on like a run on sentence. Showing weakness has been a fear of mine that I struggle to let others see.
I like the “look” of the responsible, strong, got it all together girl. But I don’t like the life that comes with it. It’s lonely, exhausting and really not worth it. The outside looks impressive and fabulous. But the inside is not so pretty. This is what turned me back to letting go of myself and letting Him in again when I was college. I was tired of being tired. I had to let go.
Best decision I’ve ever made. I saw that He really wasn’t looking for the responsible, strong girl. He wanted the mess and the weakness. He wanted to carry it for me. And not just my mess but He wanted to carry me too.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”
It’s hard to let go of the “the look” that we think so many others have (but they really don’t) and accept “the look” that maybe isn’t so pretty or desired. It’s hard to accept that this is what He’s calling us to. He wants to make us pretty. It’s not of ourselves.
So let’s let go of “the look” that we all carry around in our head and try to recreate in ourselves. Let’s be real, authentic and accept one another and the grace that He is freely giving out to make us better than we ever be could on our own.
Linking up today with Grace for the Good Girl book club
And Write It Girl summer challenge!
Funny, this is one of my top strengths according to “Strength Finders”. After reading Emily’s book I finally got the two edged sword of the whole thing! But grace…it absorbs all that stuff too. You are right, it is so hard to let go. I honestly think this is the thing that got Martha – she was “responsible”. I try to think of Jesus talking with me like He did her…”Martha, Martha… Stacey, Stacey….choose what is best.”
So glad you linked up today!
Visiting from Write it girl!
I am so thankful for grace! Your post makes me want to catch up on my reading in Grace for the Good Girl! Thanks for your insight!
I don’t think I’ve ever been defined as strong…but I always want to be considered responsible!
Hi Aubrey,
I can really relate to your post today. Always being the responsible one is exhausting and tiresome, and yet…difficult to let go. I have this book on my “to read” list, but I think I may need to move it closer to the top.
I’m stopping over from Write It, Girl.
Blessings,
Laura
Stopping over from Write it Girl! What a great post.
When we looked over the papers we filled out for our foster/adoption program I noticed that the evaluator has listed me as the dominant figure in our little family. Even now, after a year that still comes back to me as that is NOT how I want to be seen!
Oh wow. Yeah, that would get me too. I know there are many good things about being responsible and strong. I just have to know when to use it and in the right way. I am sure for you it’s the same. Your family is blessed by your responsible nature. We just have to gear it in the right direction and not take the lead . Hard to do my friend! Thanks for stopping by!
Yes! Move it to the top! This is my second time through and I’m getting even more out of it this time. I know you will be blessed by it. Thanks for stopping by Laura!
Julie thank you for visiting! I am thankful for His grace too.Yes, get back in that book. It’s worth it!
Mine too in “Strength Finders”! And I get the double edge sword things too. It kinda gets you, huh? Reading Emily’s book the second time around I’m getting so much more. Or getting all over again I guess:) I hear those same words… “Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey” It’s a good check!
Thanks Stacey!
Thanks for this post, friend. Being responsible is a two-edged sword for sure. I think I was always worried that if I “dropped the ball” someone would be disappointed in me or think less of me. Again, always focused on others’ opinions more than my Creator’s. Thank goodness for His grace that lets me learn more about myself and how I can be fully real to Him and to others.
I can totally relate to the being done. After trying to long to hold it together for everyone, little by little I”ve realized I have way more of an impact when I show my weakness.
I’m so glad you are liking this book! I’m loving hearing what you are learning. I don’t feel so far away:)
Yep, I get that! Thanks visiting Jenn!
I am enjoying Grace for the Good Girl, too. My husband tells others I’m the boss. It makes me crazy, because I don’t want to be seen as that either. Sigh. Great post.
I have been reading this book, but decided not to join in the discussion because I have been reading it so slowly. It is good! I can relate to what you have said here. I want people to see me as responsible, but I think they actually see the opposite. So, I focus on strong. Since I have made so many “irresponsible” choices in life, I need to be strong enough to take the results. So, I’m not willing to ask for help when I need it. Well, this is something I recognize and I’m trying to change it. It is hard to change bad habits, though. Praise God for his grace to forgive and change us.