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Self control. Is it coincidence that this is the topic of my Abiding Fruit bible study last week when this is the very thing I’ve been struggling with? I think not. God always has a sneaky way of putting things right in front of our face when we need it most. Or does this just happen to me?

The last couple of weeks have been a little rough around here. I’ve been through 2 rounds of the flu, first round falling on my birthday and now I’m on an antibiotic for a sinus infection. I’m normally a rather healthy person so to put it nicely “I’m not the best sick person”. I don’t like to be slowed down. I don’t like to not be 100% at all times. Especially during the Christmas season when the “to-do” list is extra long. My attitude hasn’t been the best to say the least. I’ve been lacking self control and…I’ve been humbled.

Sure my lack of self control comes out in impatience and frustration. This is not pretty. But more than anything I’ve lacked self control in my thought life. Thoughts of “Why is this happening to me!” “Why now?” “I don’t deserve this!” “I just need to try harder. Suck it up!” Lots of self pity. Things that I wanted to do or make for Christmas are just not going to happen because there is not enough time. Prideful thoughts like “What will others think?” or “But I know she is doing it, so I have to as well” pop into my head. Real nice, huh? Oh my head is a crazy place live in sometimes.

I’ve lost my focus. More like it, my focus has been switched to myself. I’ve lost Him in all of this. It’s been all about me, me, me. Like I said, not pretty. He’s quietly put me in my place.

It’s not about “trying harder” or “just pushing through”. It’s about stopping. Waiting. Resting in Him. It’s about choosing truth for my thoughts instead of my own jumbled thoughts of complaints and lies. It’s about stopping myself when I go down that well beaten path that is so easy to follow. Yes, stopping and choosing a path that is narrow but worth the squeeze it puts on my heart and head. A path of truth, of praise and joy in the midst of a not so fun circumstance.

This week I was so humbly reminded that He has given me everything I need for each day. (1 Peter 1:3) Yes, even self control of my thoughts and actions in all situations. For God gave me a spirit not of fear but of power, love and self control. (2 Timothy 2:7)